Illness invaded my body Saturday night and held tight throughout Sunday. This was not just your common cold; It was a bone-rattling chill combined with fever and the kind of body ache that leaves you feeling aged and brittle. I only fall ill like this a couple of times per year, but when it takes hold, I want only for a warm shower, a warm bowl o’ soup, and a warm bed. Oh, and ridiculously long bouts of reality television, like The Hills (which was marathoning - it’s a verb to me when this happens). Unfortunately, all of these desires clash riotously with the demands of a household run by two children under the ages of 2. And so I had to turn to my partner in sickness and in health to ensure that mouths were fed and vital signs remained active all day long.
G’s strategy to keep the kids mellow: a family movie. The television is not usually on during the day at our house, but since I was on the verge of family Opium injection, I figured a morning movie could be permitted. As I labored to put away clothes and dishes, I noticed the kids were rather engaged in the movie they were watching with G. It was quiet. It was tranquil. I padded out in my pajamas from the kitchen to see what could be holding their attention so rapt (so I could bottle it for future use). Not Shrek. Not Finding Nemo.
Avatar.
Monstrous creatures! Guns! Fighting! All in 3D!
I glared at G, which only worsened my headache. I contemplated switching off the TV but remembered that Typhoid-afflicted-beggars can’t be choosers.
Later in the day, I was upstairs with D, trying to put him down for a nap. The temptation to curl up beside him and enjoy a tandem nap was intoxicating, but I insisted I go downstairs to rectify the impending ‘Condemned’ notice that the Board of Sanitation could post on my kitchen.
As I straggled downstairs, I was met with a familiar 80s track: Take My Breath Away. I saw the naked bodies of Tom Cruise and Kelly McGillis writhing in the dark. I looked across from the television to see G snuggled up with E on the couch, both staring mutely at the screen. My eyes bulged. My pulse quickened. I gripped the railing for support as watching a one year old stare at two people doing the budonkadonk surely Took My Breath Away!
“Hello? Do you really think she should be watching this???”
G jerked his gaze away from the television and without skipping a beat said,
“They’ve been watching violence all morning. What’s wrong with a little love?”
I hope that short-term amnesia is one of the symptoms of this particular virus I suffer. And I hope that it transfers to the others in the house so that we can all forget Family Movie Day.
Sickness is the worst as a mom; can’t catch a break. Ha ha, good family picks!
Oh poor you. Hope you feel better soon, so you can kick his behind. Want me to do it for you?
Is it wrong that after reading this post I feel WAY better about the shows that I let my kids watch?
So sorry to read that you are feeling like crap. I totally feel your pain having been sick for weeks. Thank God we eventually recover…if only for the sake of our children.
I’m not condoning letting the kiddos watch soft corn porn and I’ll always be on your side because thats how I roll. HOWEVER, I got to hand it to your husband because his response would have immediately diffused my anger. Perhaps you infected him and sweet revenge could be to pop in a disc of “Bridges over Madison County” on a continous loop by his sick bed and hide the remotes.
“Budonkadonk” – heee!
As for the lovin’, I seriously doubt it made any impression whatsoever upon the young mind of Miss E – that’s one of the great things about them being so little, no? The lack of need to hide “inappropriateness” for a little while, until they’re a bit more aware?
Love this Erin and since I am related I thought I should read!!
Actually, I love all your writings.
Love From almost killed him