This is an excerpt from an actual conversation between me and G as we prepared for work:
G (standing before me stark naked): I’m running dangerously low on underwear…
E: You’re living safer than I then because this is Sharon Stone Basic Instinct Day 2 for me
G: I’m not as dirty as you.
E: You could wash your own underwear, you know.
G: Hundreds of years ago this thing called ‘division of labor’ was conceived…
E: Yes, which means individuals can do things for themselves.
G: No, it’s really how we defined our country’s ability to trade with lesser nations to increase productivity.
E: Then I’m the US and you’re China. Sanctions on. Starting now.
G: No, you’re not China. You’re a smaller developing nation and I’m the leading country in the global economy.
E: Yeah, that sounds about right. I’m like a third world country, like the Sudan, that gets thousands of pounds of garbage dumped on their country by the U.S.
G: It creates jobs. And they’re happy to take it.
E: They get paid to take it. I’m being exploited for free.
G: It’s how you will emerge a prosperous and sovereign nation.
E (grumbling): You should send your underwear to the Sudan for laundering.
This modern discourse makes both G and E long for a simpler time when G would have a wife in a pastel dress who’d have hurried to the basement to bleach his whites. And E would have been a wife who sipped Brandy Alexanders all day and slipped sedatives into her husband’s meatloaf dinner.