10 Reasons You Should Be Glad I Didn’t Blog In My Twenties

I had taken a short hiatus from writing to work on my comedy show, which I performed this past week. Finishing it has led to that day after Christmas feeling. I need something new to sink my teeth into. Then I remembered I have this blog that I had been neglecting. My funny friends decided we all needed a boost and a writing prompt so we’re linking to each other and listing the 10 reasons you (and I) should be glad that we were not blogging in our twenties.

1. My capri anxiety was at full-tilt, leaving little time for even basic needs.

2. The entire Internet did not need to know that if you drank two glasses of wine rapidly and then crossed your eyes just slightly before looking at one of my boyfriends, he looked exactly like Ben Affleck.

3. Twenty-something friends are way less cool than 30 and 40-something friends about reading ‘to protect her privacy, I will refer to her as Schmessica’ in posts.

4. Every month there would have been a post entitled This time I really seriously must have Toxic Shock Syndrome.

5. Every other sentence would have included the parenthetical aside: (Do you think my boss knows about this blog? If yes, do you think he also knows that I never lock the door when I’m the last to leave and that my Sun Chips habit was probably responsible for the mice?)

6. How many times would you have really wanted to read, “I’m writing this from the bathroom of a restaurant where I am trying to pull the Tampax dispenser off the wall in hopes that there is an escape tunnel behind it that I can use to avoid returning to this first date.”

7. It would have been much more awkward to have to bang on the wall of my apartment and yell, “Can you two move it to a hotel room tonight? But first remind me of your wireless password!”

8. I related every milestone, achievement, and setback to the TV show Felicity. Now I only do it in my head.

9. Every post would have ended with a vote on the question, “Given all this information, who would you say broke up with who first?”

10. It’s difficult to be creative when the oxygen flow to your brain is restricted as it is when you have to wear a bra. Every day.

Now click over to visit my funny friends:

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21 thoughts on “10 Reasons You Should Be Glad I Didn’t Blog In My Twenties

  1. Pingback: 10 Reasons You Should Be Glad I Didn’t Blog In My 20′s | theflyingchalupa.com

  2. You know Felicity no longer shaves or wears a bra either, right? And all Ben does is smoke weed in the back of his ambulance all day.

  3. First of all, congrats on the comedy show – fabulous!

    And I’m glad you’re not Felicity. I wouldn’t be able to fight my way through all the hair to swap eyerolls with you.

    XOXO

    A.

  4. I don’t know, I’d be intetested to see how your view on life through the TV show Feliciry would have differed from mine which would have been seen through a Dawson’s Creek lens.

  5. I believe that closing question “Given all the information, who broke up with who … etc” would have generated thoughtful comments and deep discussion. Perhaps this should be reincorporated into your current blog.

    I mean, aside from the fact that you’re married and all.

  6. Is it weird that I still worry I have Toxic Shock Syndrome every month? I usually forget about it in between and then remember with a vengeance the next month.

  7. Sun Chips.

    Delicious AND useful for distracting the grocery checkout clerk from the EPT box you’ve slipped between your bags of Original and Cheddar.

    Or was that just me?

  8. Yes, I wore a bra every day in my 20s even though as evidenced by #3 on my list, that was completely unnecessary. And I think it’s a problem that I have Capri anxiety NOW. Help me.

  9. Pingback: I’m Jumping on the Blogwagon « A Side of Rice